I just wanna write about the past few months and how things have changed. Firstly my anxiety and depression has improved a lot although very slowly. My anxiety attacks have become less and less and I even have odd days when I don't have them, my depression is still there but it doesn't show its self as much, I have lots of good days but still some very bad days. My anxiety over social situations has improved immensely, I started off going into town to get my hair cut and then I took a leap and went to the cinema with friends which actually went surprisingly well, over the past few months I've been pushing myself to do more and it's working, I even managed to go to Leeds for the weekend to visit my friend, the journey down there went absolutely fine but once I was there the nervousness started to kick in but I came through it and actually had an amazing weekend and met some lovely people.
My social circle has improved massively, I've met a few new people who have turned out to be good friends and I've also got my old friends back but I've also lost friends due to me realising they were no good for my mental health. I'm very grateful to my close friends who have stood by me and supported me through all the hard times and also the good times, so a big shoutout to Julie and Jamie, you guys are amazing and I love you both!
My love life, well this hasn't changed very much, although I'm starting to get over vikki and it doesn't hurt as much, I still have bad days where all I do is think about her, she was a massive part of my life and I do miss that but I also know I don't want her back, I still love her and I've accepted that I will for a very long time, maybe I'll always love her but that's okay, you know why? Because at least I know it was real!. I've had a few girls wanting to be with me but the attention and feelings haven't been returned, I just haven't been ready for a relationship or anything like that, I quite like being single and figuring out who I am. I suppose I'm starting all over again, things like watching tv, listening to music, going out and socialising, even things like meeting new people are things I was never allowed to do while I was with vikki so doing them now is actually quite strange and sometimes I have to remind myself that it's okay to do those things without feeling guilty. I felt guilty for quite a while about talking to girls and stuff it almost felt like I was cheating on vikki, I've only just started to realise that I shouldn't be feeling like that, she's moved on and it's okay for me to do the same. Somedays I just have to tell myself she never loved me and didn't care so neither should I.
So yeah, things are looking up and I'm looking forward to exciting things happening in the future, I'm waiting to hear from a landlord about a flat and I have days out planned with Julie, sheree and Tylah, things are pretty good at the minute and I feel pretty positive and happy.