Feeling pretty shit today, my teeth are killing, my heads a mess and i just cant make sense of what im feeling anymore, i dont know if im sad, angry or both.
Ive been on my own all day, mum and tylah have been to the vets with elbi, then they had to go to hospital for tylah to get her cast refitted. My heads working over time and i ended up ringing and texting vikki and as i suspected i got no reply which has started my depression off, i dont know why i keep thinking shes gonna change, ive know her for nearly 4 years and not once when we've been apart has she chased me or made me feel worth something to her, i should be used to getting ignored but it still cuts like a knife everytime.
I think im gonna have to stop reading her blog and her Pinterest because everytime i do and i see somthing that says she loves me or misses me it puts a liitle but of hope in my heart and i just end up disappointed when she ignores me, im starting to think the quotes are not even for me, maybe theres someone else and thats why she dosent want to speak to me or maybe she just likes playing head games, i dont know why she keeps doing this do me but i know that it hurts like fuck.
I just have to keep reminding myself that shes happier without me and thats all that i ever wanted for her, i cant be selfish and take that happiness away from her, no matter how much i miss her or how much i want her in my arms, i need to let her go and remind my self that this is what she wanted, if she felt like i do she would have been in touch.
Tomorrows another day.